Cute hats, Loud Colors and Standing Tall.

Edited: Posting another blog post I wrote years ago that sat as a draft on my website. I am trying to achieve my goal of writing several times a week to hone writing skills for those novels that are in me bursting to be written. As in the This Little Light of Mine Post this one is still relevant and true. If not more so in these times of fighting and strife.

However, I need to add something that has helped me tremendously these past few months. It's the Let Them Theory and and podcasts by Mel Robbins. "Letting them" and realizing that although I am far from perfect, at 60+ I am not going to change much... and that's ok. Finding confidence in what I am other than what others want me to become. Now onto the never published blog post from a while back (BTW photo is from a while back as well but all I had for now.)!

I have a treasure trove of adorable hats. That I never wear. I have some red, fuchsia and equally loud colored clothes with sparkles, bits and bows that I rarely wear. You can also find me a little hunched over at all times, trying to be as small as possible and not be noticed, blending into the background of neutrality. Even my home is a painting of tans, grays, blacks and whites.

As someone who was painfully shy as a child and very introverted, books were my best friends and solace. I have fought timidity somewhat successfully for 60 plus years. As an analytical person who has read extensively on health and psychology, I was wondering why. I would love to be that strong, outgoing, bold person. There's a Taylor Swift hiding inside this elderly, overweight, individual. However, I have come to appreciate some of the traits that come with my neutrality while still striving for the bold person locked inside.

I recently had a birthday and read through all the messages sent throughout the day, I realized how loved and appreciated I am. For me, something that came with introversion is an ability to see others points of views. An empathy that comes from listening and taking action to help when a need is discovered. A kindness that comes from following the golden rule that was burned into me as a child from a catholic upbringing chock full of girl scouts and art classes. That has served me well working with different personalities in my photography business. I could pull out the beauty that EVERY person possesses within themselves.

I don't want this to sound boastful or narcissistic as that is the furthest from the truth. However, as I age, I am finding the self confidence to appreciate the certain skillset I possess while trying to always become the Taylor Swift inside. The one who wears cute hats, wears bold colors and stands straight and tall.

I recently read something that said we show different sides of ourselves to different people. We are in fact diverse people to others as we adapt to the world around us. I used to tell my daughter that I was my most true self when I was with her. A little weird and funny, as is she to those who know her best. I was always trying to make her laugh and loving the attention that always followed her where ever we went while content to play back up. All that came crashing down and I was unjustly accused of a myriad of personality flaws. However, that's a different story for a different time.

Around some people we are our best and standing tall. Others we are our worst. Some we are bold. Others we are meek. A little different character to all those we meet while still being true to our deepest selves and values.

There is a poem by Jenny Joseph called "Warning" that was popular a few years back. There still is today a society called The Red Hat Society that supports women in the pursuit of Fun, Friendship, Freedom, Fitness and the Fulfillment of lifelong dreams.

My lifelong dream is to write a novel. I have been taking writing classes to help give me the motivation to do that and I am writing this blog post for a self assignment I gave myself for that class. So, I will end with a popular poem as it sums up my plans for life and a "warning" for my immediate future since I'm already past the "but now" part of that poem and did that well...

WARNING by Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick the flowers in other peoples' gardens

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickle for a week

And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.